Head games

My mind is really messing with me this morning. I will be 30 weeks on Wednesday, and since I have been havng contractions and getting terb shots for about 6 weeks now, I am GRATEFUL to have made it this far. My head however, is starting to play head games with me. Since my last two babies were premies (32 weeks, and 34 weeks), I am starting to doubt my fortitude for going full term. I know my OB has promised me he will do everything he can to keep her in until at least 38 weeks.

But now sitting here I can't help but think...8 more weeks of this pain/pressure/stress?! I just want my baby here. Then, I start to feel horrible guilt because the last thing I want is another bby in the NICU. I can't stop beating myself up over it, but I also can't find peace with my anxiety. Maybe once I actually schedule my c-section I can find a little peace of mind, or something I don't know.

Am I alone in the "ok enough already" thinking? I feel SO guilty for it, but can't seem to shake it at same time!

You are definitely not alone in that kind of thinking...I think that way too sometimes, and I'm not even on bedrest or anything...I am beginning to feel a lot of pressure and aches and pains from the third trimester, but for me, I have waited 6 yrs for this miracle baby and that's my biggest reasoning for thinking that I'm ready for this pregnancy to be over with.  I've enjoyed it for the most part, but I just long to hold my sweet baby boy and enjoy him actually in my arms...but I too, know that he's not ready to come yet and he needs to stay in the womb for 9 more weeks....praying for you to make it through the rest of your pregnancy and just wanted you to know that it's okay to feel the way you're feeling...your baby will come when the time is right :-)

Oh yeah I feel that way too. I am like.. I am 32 weeks.. so I am good to go ..can we get him out yet? His kicking has become increasingly painful, I am tired of going to multiple dr's every two weeks, and I am tired of being out of breath waddling at work. Let's count the days together. We can do it.

I think it's normal to feel that way - maybe more so with you b/c you're stuck on bedrest...so you  have plenty of time to think about how uncomfortable you are, what all you're physically going through and what needs your attention and doings around the house that you can't do.  All perfectly normal, I'd say. 

If possible, just try to keep your mind busy - whether it's talking to the younger kids or doing puzzles, cross stitching, crocheting...anything that takes concentration - so you don't have time to listen to that little voice saying 'alright already.' Maybe even make something - or do a count down or something - to help bring the reality that 8 more weeks really isn't that far to go. 

Good luck.

Oh Jeez,

It sounds like your head is really doing a number on you.  It is likely because, as you say, you are so close to the weeks where your other children were born.  Our minds are miraculous things, but sometimes they can be simply cruel!  Rest assured that you have no need for guilt when your control over such thoughts is limited right now - you simply need to cut yourself some slack.  Your rational side knows what is best for the baby and we all know that you want what is best, it is your irrational side that is playing games. 

Take good care and try not to succomb to the guilt - it can be a destructive thing.  Perhaps try to think one week at a time.  That may seem less daunting than 8. 

Sending you good vibes!
Jenn

I know what you are talking about! In the end I wanted so much to be done and to hold my precious little guy. I even went into labor preterm and had some bedrest for a few days. My rational side made me lie down to help the contractions stop. My irrational side wanted to get up and do jumping jacks. Like you, my rational side won out. You are miserable, anxious to meet your new gal, somewhat closed off from the world, and delivering will end all of that.....hmm... doesn't sound so irrational to me that you are ready!
You can do another 8 weeks. I looked at it like counting down like I do for vacations. Yes, I'd like to change my flight and hotel reservations but the anticipation is worth the wait in the end. And like vacation planning, the last few weeks were really tough. 
Don't beat yourself up- you're a great mom and you will do what's right! Just cause you 'think' it doesn't mean you're a bad person. If I were a bad person just for 'thinking' of boinking my husband in the head with a two-by-four everytime he was a jerk it would be pretty bad! But I'm not a bad person and fortunately he's not a jerk very often!!!
Tracey